Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
