Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
