i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
