ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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