R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize