Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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