Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
