Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
