I've blown a few things in my day
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
