Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is wine microwaveable?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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