So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
