how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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