Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
