People in love make me want to vomit
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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