We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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