I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
