You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
