Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
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Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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