She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dear god my vagina.
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