That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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