I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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