did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
handjob tips. give me some.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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