If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
