I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
