I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
