Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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