Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
