Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
