Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
