i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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