I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His hands were made for my vagina.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
