Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
