i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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