if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
