I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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