So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
