I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
