the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
