New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
