Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
