I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
