I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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