mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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