I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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