he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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