His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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