at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just had sex on a roof
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
