Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
