Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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