Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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