Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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