I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dick very happy bro
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
