Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
