I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I pour the whiskey from now on
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize