I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
