stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
