Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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