So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So. Much. Porn.
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