my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
