Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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