when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is the high leading the old right now
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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