tell your sister to shave her snatch
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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