Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
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I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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