why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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