I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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