even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
