if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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