Pants 0. Shit 1.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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