so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
