I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
